One time someone told me we are a magnet for our own chaos, that I asked for certain things to happen, that things happened to me as a result of my own powers of attraction. When I think about things like my tattoo I think about that. I named myself Perpetual Present because I realized what that really felt like. It’s only gotten more pronounced over time. I drew a bubble chart on my white board with PTSD at the center and symptoms I experience spidering off from that. Then off of those bubbles in magenta I wrote the ways that manifests in my daily life. For example, one line leads to a bubble that says “anticipatory anxiety,” and off of that bubble is another bubble that says, “fear of things ending in disaster,” and so on.
The chart kept growing until I ran out of room, which was quite eye opening. I honestly have no idea how the hell anyone would be expected to function as a normal member of society with all those thoughts bubbling under the surface. No wonder Billy seems schizophrenic, because schizophrenia and PTSD are just one or two elements from being the same thing–one being reality. These thoughts don’t stem from a detachment or split from reality, they stem from visceral interactions with extremely unpleasant aspects of reality that sometimes cause rifts in time and perception.
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Since energy is proven to be of fundamental importance to all physical processes, would it not extend to the physical processes of neural communication? Could what we refer to as “consciousness,” a mental process, be describable in terms of physical processes? Energy organizes systems of stimuli in the physical world, which could mean what we think of as our ‘sentient awareness’ is more akin to the organization of some sort of neuro-chemical energy to form our human perceptions.
Though I do not think that our human minds have some tangential, conscious control over wave function collapse (von Neumann–Wigner interpretation), the possibility that we have an individual pull on the fabric of space time seems an unavoidable avenue in the fundamentals of our existence. Consciousness may not necessarily be the cause of any particular event, but it is inadvertently the creator of all events we are able to perceive. We experience stimuli from the physical world—stimuli that behaves according to certain rules, follows distinct patterns—and our perception of reality is literally created based on our perpetual synthesis of this stimuli into neuro-chemical responses. Our bodies are incredibly unique material manifestation of an energy that cannot be created or destroyed. Our brains are quantum computing devices, constantly working with the dual perspective of the two hemispheres to formulate a definition of individual realities relative to the collective experience.
All this stimuli, all these photons and electrons, operate in specific ways that make everything we can experience and describe possible. Randomness isn’t even random, it’s just chaos. Therefore, I declare “random, inexplicable” behavior, as well as how our consciousness operates on a fundamental level, my new frontier in our collective quest for knowledge. I want to delve more into the reasons the forefathers of quantum mechanics thought this could explain the “unconscious,” and why it hasn’t been done yet.
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Uncharted Emotions
1: Autophobia
2: A days worth of concealment
3: Enmity of embarrassment
how many aimless thoughts can we keep up to distract ourselves? per day, week? to what degree is utilitarianism killing our quality of life? who allows false dilemmas to make their decisions?
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